Fun with Fullmetal
by Orabit's Madness
Summary: Edward is always getting in trouble with people when he gets teased about his height ED:"I AM NOT A PIPSQUEAK" AUTHOR:"YES YOU ARE" Ed tries to whack author with automail, Author pins Ed to the ground.
1. Fun with Policemen Part 1

Fun With Policeman

Lt. Colonel Roy Mustang the "Flame" alchemist, was one day sitting in his office pondering on a report he had just received from Lt. Riza Hawkeye.

"Lt Colonel Mustang

It is my duty to report that sadly the "Fullmetal" alchemist, Edward Elric has been arrested for a public disturbance and assault. Apparently as "Fullmetal" was walking to Military headquarters here in central, he was shoved aside by a man who continued to walk by and called over his shoulder "Move over short stuff."

Well because of this "Fullmetal" had one of those "Fits" which I believe you know what I mean. It seems one of the nearby pedestrians saw this (of course someone saw "Fullmetal" beating the hell out of this man) and ran and got nearby policeman, who, upon arriving at the scene, promptly arrested "Fullmetal" not believing he had a diplomatic immunity unless arrested by his superiors as a State alchemist, even when he showed his state alchemist watch as proof of him being employed by the state

As you can see the policeman who arrested "Fullmetal" did not recognize him and is probably not aware of all the laws yet so (of course) "Fullmetal is now sitting in a cell in Central police station.

The only way to get "Fullmetal out of jail is if you, sir, were to go down there and inform the police of their mistake and Identify him.

Riza Hawkeye

Post Script

Please don't tease him, he is in enough trouble right now and I don't know what they would do to you if you set off your alchemy. "

Roy sighed as he placed the report into Elric's file.

"Guess I'll have to go rescue Elric from the 'Evil Policeman'' said Roy Laughing "Havoc your in charge until I get back with Fullmetal."

"Yes sir" replied Havoc "but may I ask why Lt. Hawkeye isn't here to do the job?"

"That's and easy question to answer, she is out at the shooting range venting" answered Roy as he pulled on his military coat "make sure she doesn't shoot you if you disturb her" with that Lt. Colonel Roy Mustang the 'Flame Alchemist', walked out of the office with the biggest smile on his face that Havoc hadn't seen since the last time 'Fullmetal' was in the office.

"What is he going to do to that poor boy now" sighed Havoc as he put his feet up on the desk "hopefully he doesn't do anything too horrific to the poor boy."


	2. Fun with Policemen Part 2

_**Fun with Policeman Part 2**_

Roy soon arrived at the police station, pulling on his gloves as he ascended up the front steps of the building "This is going to be fun" thought Roy to himself laughing mentally. Lt. Colonel Mustang burst through the double doors of the Building and watched as the policemen scrambled to their feet into a salute.

"At ease gentleman" he watched as they relaxed their posture before he continued "I have come to collect one of my Subordinate state alchemists"

"You must be mistaken sir, we haven't arrested any state alchemists" said a young officer a few metres away from Roy

"Actually you have" said Roy as he walked to stand in front of the young officer "You have arrested the 'Fullmetal Alchemist'"

"WHAT!!" shrieked several officers, the poor young officer was feeling the brunt of the man in front of him, the Lt. Colonel was (supposedly) very angry.

"You mean the alchemist of the people!!" cried the officer in front Mustang.

" the very same," replied Mustang " I'm so it is say that he has a very SHORT temper." the quick outburst from Mustang made most of the officers jump, but what happened next surprised them severely.

"Dam you Roy Mustang when I get out I'm gonna make you pay for calling me SHORT! I am going to get your gloves and shove them where the sun don't shine"

"Ahh, that's Fullmetal now" laughed Mustang as he straightened the gloves on his hands.

"You mean to say that angry short blonde guy is the…" said the officer in front of Mustang whitening as Edward again.

"Who you calling so short you can't even see him with a microscope with over 1000 times magnification!" yelled Edward again. After that outburst mustang couldn't control himself anymore, he started laughing so hard he had to hold his sides. Unfortunately Roy Mustang just made the situation worse.

A loud clap suddenly echoed across the room including the rest of the police station. Everyone and everything went quiet.

Roy turned slowly and faced the young officer in front of him, "how did you restrain the angry blonde?"

"We had to handcuff one of his hands to the table in the interrogation room, the other inmates were laughing at him" said the young officer nervously.

"Well then I recommend that you leave the…" Mustang was suddenly unable to finish his sentence as the door of the interrogation room burst open in a field of blue lightening which soon cleared to show a very angry Edward holding a battle spear.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING A TINY MICROSCOPIC BEAN WHO CAN BE HARDLY SEEN BY A MICROSCOPE" yelled Edward he turned to face Mustang with a face that would make any kind of normal person pee their pants and yelled "I AM NOT SHORT YOU GIANT" as he started to run towards Mustang. Roy smiled as he watched Edward run towards him.

"Fullmetal you are about to burn" said Mustang calmly as he brought his newly gloved hand in front of his face "So it looks like I am going to enjoy BBQ shrimp tonight"

Edward roared as he got close to Mustang. Roy quickly snapped his fingers and controlled the flame and destroyed Edward's Battle spear. That did not hinder Edward as he clapped his hands and dragged his left hand over the right forearm plate of his auto mail and turned it into a blade as he bellowed "it's MY turn to win this fight Roy Mustang, it's my revenge for all the times you called Me SHORT!!" with that Edward quickly bopped down and using his right leg as a pivot point, swung his leg around knocking Mustangs legs out from under him causing him to fall flat on his back, Edward then used the left over momentum from the swing to bring him back up to a standing position and pointed the tip of his auto mail blade so that it was only millimetres away from Mustang's throat.

All while this was happening, the policemen were quickly backing away to the wall so that they would not be involved in the fight. They couldn't believe their eyes. But just as suddenly as the fight had started it stopped with another clapping sound and another flash of light. The dust that had arisen during the fight settled causing the officers mouths to drop open.

Major Edward Elric the 'Fullmetal' alchemist was standing on the 'Flame Alchemists hands and the 'Flame' alchemist's legs were secured to the ground by stone cuffs, but what made the policemen really surprised was that there was a blade protruding from the boys arm pointed mere millimetres from the 'Flame' alchemist's throat.

"Now to get rid of your gloves Roy" said Edward enthusiastically, he bent down and slowly removed the gloves from Roy's hands. "HEHEHE I have the famous gloves of Roy Mustang. I wonder what I should do with them." said Edward in a singsong voice as he replaced his feet on top of Roy's hands.

"Fullmetal release me now, I can court-martial you for this" said Roy in a low guttural voice

"In minute I just thought of what I can do to your gloves."

Roy gulped "And what would that be exactly?" asked Roy hesitantly.

"I'm going to burn them Right in front of your eyes then I am going to get you to eat the ashes" said Edward Rather causally as he looked for something to transmute into a box.

"And how are you going to get me to eat the ashes?" asked Roy with a major look of worry in his eyes.

"I will simply get the cooks to slip it into your lunch one day it will be so good to see you do it." Said Edward laughing, he quickly found the material needed and made a clear flame resistant box and quickly set one glove inside, " Now to set the first glove alight with the other glove then we can get this party started" Edward continued as he slowly slid the other glove into place on his hand

"Say good bye to your Gloves Mustang" laughed Edward. He was about to activate the array when….

**AN MWHAHAHA major cliffy anyways thanks to the person who subscribed to this story thank you very much for taking the time out to read it. Also I was wondering why I am getting 63 hits and No reviews I mean come on I want to hear your opinions on my story I love them they are choccy bars to me so give me some. I would really like to hear what youi have to say about my story since what I have written may actually become a proper story (not this bit though but it actually gets the reason why Edward has to do something to get the story rolling) anyways I don't Mind flamers either just do get urself get carried away if you write one so REVIEW MY STORY PLEASE**


	3. Fun with Policemen Part 3

BANG!! The door opposite the entrance burst open.

"WHAT in the HELL is going on here!?" yelled the chief of the station "I want an explanation NOW!"

Edward quickly clapped his hand (which made the other police men twitch) and removed the stone cuffs from Roy's ankles and quickly jumped into a more formal posture (**if you can believe him doing that**). Roy, upon being released, got to his feet and TRIED to explain the situation.

"I am Lt Colonel Roy Mustang the 'Flame' alchemist," said Roy rather calmly after being pinned to the floor "This is Major Edward Elric the 'Fullmetal' alchemist. He is one of my subordinates. I found out this morning that he had been arrested even though he as diplomatic immunity (unless convicted by the military)" he said the last part mumbling "SO I came to Identify since that young officer over in the corner their did not know the significance of the state alchemist title" Roy flicked his wrist to the young officer to show which one "I am sorry of the, hat you could say as destruction of you general and interrogation areas. Fullmetal is often quick to anger, and well since he was chained to a table in a separate room and heard himself being called short, you can imagine that he would be in a murderous kind of mood, so it was lucky I was here when I was to absorb his what you might call frustrations, his attacks are actually rather painful" Roy stopped talking as he started to gently rub his right hand.

"THAT IS NO EXCUSE TO DESTROY MY POLICE STATION. I DID NOT WORK MY ARSE OFF TO GET THE STATION TO THE WAY IT WAS, ONLY TO HAVE YOU TWO DESTROYING HALF THE OFFICE AREA. I SHOULD SUE YOU FOR THE DAMAGES ON THE SPOT FOR THE REPAIRS OR EVEN BETTER I CAN LOCK YOU IN A CELL FOR A COUPLE OF HOURS NO SPECIAL TREATMENT…."the chief of the Station continued to yell random things that he would do to Edward and Roy.

Mustang slowly shuffled over to Edwards side "Fullmetal" whispered Mustang out of the corner of his mouth when his was close enough "if you give me my gloves back and get us out of here then I won't court-marshal you for undermining a superior officer I will just give you a more annoying job to do or something"

"Fine" growled Edward through his teeth, he didn't want to get court-marshalled it would slow down his search for the Stone, and he also didn't want some of the threats that the Chief of the Police were yelling to come true (particularly the one about cutting off their arms [sure he only had one really arm put hell it would still be painful]). Edward took the glove out of the box then handed over the gloves as he pulled off the other.

"You're a bastard do you know that Colonel" growled Ed as he clapped his hands.

All the Police went silent even the chief. Edward ignored this and got down on his knee and placed a hand on the floor. The Room filled up with electric blue light the police were blinded by the sudden light. But as quickly as the light had started it stopped.

All the police in the room were stunned, the room and been totally remade into a more neat and stylish office area.

"Well" said Edward suddenly "since every thing is now fixed I am going home to Al. Cya." With that Edward quickly left the building.

"Well enough have been said, so if you don't mind I have to go catch Fullmetal" Mustang said whilst giving a quick salute and left the building.

All the police faced there Chief when he finally opened hi mouth and said

"What just happened?"

FIN

**So that my readers is the end of "Fun with policemen" the next one is "The fun of Examining and training Newbies" well something along those lines.**

**I would love to here ideas about what you could make Edward do when he has to help oversee the Practical of the State alchemist exam and what would he do to show the newbies around IDEAS are want I have already start this bit so it would be greatly appreciated also thank to those two people who actually subscribed to my story SO SO HAPPY, a well as the people who reviewed but come on I like Feed back it helps me write better. AND ye I did a cliffy on the last chapter but I was tired and it was 3am I mean come on I was sleepy ok**

**Anyway s thanks for reading the next part will be up as soon as I can think up some more storyline.**


	4. Training the Recruit Part 1 Punishment

**Training the Recruit Part 1**

**Righto I have finished this so happy it took a while to get what I wanted down the page but yea now the next bit is done. I believe this part is longer than the other parts since it required a lot of info and it is a bit flat but I am think of Making this into a bigger story if you have any ideas you want for it go ahead and send them to me Even….**

**I know I will have a competition I will explain it at the end so if you want in then get in quick.**

**Oh and I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist if I did well lets just say Edward IS MINE but alas no he isn't.**

**(Sorry in advance about any spelling of Grammar mistakes I don't have a Beta)**

Edward Elric the 'Fullmetal' Alchemist was sitting up straight rather nervously. Roy Mustang had called saying he had an important mission for him. So here was Edward thinking along the lines that Roy was going to give him something interesting to do rather then inspecting Mines of checking out towns, he just satin silence waiting for his commanding officer to get back from the bathroom.

He turned in his chair to see the only other person in the room, Riza Hawkeye, looking straight back at him.

"You sure you can't tell me what my new mission is? It would save me a hell of a lot of time, instead of having to wait for Colonel Bastard to get over his Coffee diaherra" asked Ed.

"Sorry but I can not tell you, the colonel will be back in a moment" answered Riza

"YOU said that ten minutes ago"

"Well you'll just have to wait…" replied Riza just as the door opened revealing Roy Mustang running a wet hand through his damp hair.

"Ahh that feels so much better" sighed Roy as he turned toward his desk, his eyes widening as he saw Fullmetal there.

"Why good morning Fullmetal, hope the journey was good" said Roy as he lowered himself into his chair.

"Travel was fine but what's my new mission, I have things I need to get back to you know" said Edward with a stern but calculating look.

I don't think you will be doing anything to do with your research for a while." said Roy getting ready for the tantrum.

"WHAT" shrieked Edward "Al and I are finally getting somewhere with our research, WHY are YOU of all people trying to stop that?!?"

"Because it is your punishment for attacking me in the police station last week," answered Roy "and this is better than me court marshalling you"

"oh" said Edward softly "well ok then um… what are you going to make me do?"

"Well as you know, earlier this week we had the start of this year State Alchemist exam, this afternoon we are having the practical exam. Now the Fuhrer can not make it this time and has appointed me to take his place, now I need someone to take my place on the panel and I have chosen you to take my place for it, as well as that you will also give the new State alchemist, how might I word it, an introduction to the Military life here."

"What!"

"Well this way we can do something that will actually do proper rather than you doing something like say, cleaning the men's dorms here"

"Alright, alright, I will do it. When do we need to leave?"

"Actually in about an hour, so I want you to go to the change rooms and get into this uniform I got fitted to your size, I do need to make you look professional after all."

Edward picked up the uniform sitting on Roy's desk, "Do I really have to wear this thing?"

"Yes, you do. Besides it is only this one time, after the exam you can change out of it and can keep it for formal occasions"

"Ok I got ya, I go change into this then I will check on Al then I will go to the arena happy."

"Good, why don't you get Al to go Visit Gracia and Elysia while you do this?"

"Good idea I will see you later Colonel" with that Edward closed the door behind him.

"Sir" asked Riza "how is this allowed; surely a general should take the Fuhrer's place"

"No, the Fuhrer wanted someone the public knew to take his place so that no one mucks around, and Fullmetal is taking my place since he is very Knowledgeable in Alchemy that he could tell you what is going on in a transmutation, and as well as the fact that one of the Examinees is one that I found so I want first dips if they get in."

"Okay sir. I get the picture." Said Riza. They sat in silence doing paper work for fifteen minutes when Riza again broke the silence "Why don't yopu head over to the arena and make sure everything is ready, as well as introduce yourself to the early arrivals"  
"BRILLIANT idea Hawkeye" said Roy as he happily flicked away his pen and filed away the forms. "Be sure to look after the office, and tell me immediately if anything important happens"

"Yes sir, and umm permission to speak freely sir?"

"Of course Hawkeye"

"You need to stop by a mirror sir your hair is a mess"

"Oh" stuttered Roy "thank you Lieutenant for your input I'll just go do that now" he then to left room quickly sneaking a glance back as the door slammed shut behind him.

"MEN" sighed Hawkeye as she put her feet up on the stool next to her desk.

**ALRIGHTY two story's chapters in two hours I'm on a roll**

**Anyway the Competition**

**I want my story readers to send me Ideas for the Alchemists in the exam and if you come up with a really good one I might just make the winner the new recruit however if there isn't any good ones I have a backup ready so send in your reviews with your Alchemists ideas **

**Now I want a Name (proper) as well as a state Alchemist name I should use if they get in, then a description of their alchemy you could even message me a piece of a story to me if you want after that I will continue the story so Submit the Ideas I love BRING IT ON**


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